A gorilla walks into a pub and orders a pint. The barman gives it to him and
"That'll be £5."
A little later, making conversation, the barman says, "We don't get many
gorillas round in here."
The gorilla replies, "I'm not surprised at these prices."
A mushroom walks into this pub and sits down at the counter.
He's about to order a drink when the barman takes one look at him and said:
"You, out! We don't serve mushrooms in this place!" Stunned, the
mushroom pleads with the barman: "Please, have a heart! I'm a Fun-gi!"
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive."
A neutron walks into a bar.
"I'd like a beer," he says.
The barman promptly serves him a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you," replies the barman, "No charge"
Two cartons of yoghurt walk into a bar. The barman, a tub of cottage cheese,
says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yoghurt
cartons replies, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."
A snail crawls into a pub as its being closed. The snail pounds and pounds
on the door until the barman finally opens the door. Barman looks around and
sees nothing until he hears a small voice demanding to be served. The barman
looks down at the snail and says, "Look, we're closed and besides we don't
serve snails!" and proceeds to slam the door. The snail again pounds on the
door until the barman gets so frustrated that he opens the door again and kicks
the snail about 5 feet away. A year later as the barman was about to close up
the bar again, he hears a pounding on the door again. He opens the door and
looks down to see the same snail again. The snail looked up and replies,
"What'd you do kick me for?"
A goat walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint.
'Sorry I can't serve you' the barman said.
'Why not' asks the goat.
'We don't serve kids' answers the barman.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich.
He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going?
You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin,
distinguished by prominent black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."