With weddings evolving at the speed of light, it's hard to know for certain who does what and no one may be at a greater loss of what to do than the mothers of the bride and groom.

Traditionally the bride's mother was the official hostess of her daughter's wedding, tirelessly orchestrating all the behind-the-scenes activities and setting the overall tone for the celebration. The groom's mother, on the other hand, had a somewhat shadowy role - appearing only on the day, shaking hands in the receiving line and sitting at the top table.

Nowadays, however, the duties of who-does-what for a wedding are quite a bit different than they once were. For example, it is frequently the couple themselves who plan the wedding and, with the customary division of who pays for what going by the wayside, the family of the groom are taking on greater involvement in the decision making processes.

While these changes may be helpful, unfortunately they may also be creating trouble at home. The bride's mother may not want to relinquish her traditional tasks and the groom's mother may be unsure how best to come forward and make her interests known.

To avoid hurt feelings, not to mention unnecessary stress, talk openly with both mums. Find out how much or how little time they each have to give to the planning of the wedding and what specific areas they might like to oversee. When you've got things sorted, give them both a list of responsibilities to tackle and have them check in with you regularly to report their progress.

Following is a sample list of possible responsibilities for both the bride's mother and the groom's mother. Feel free to print and use this list or create one of your own.

Mother of the Bride

• Organise engagement party.
• Place engagement announcement in local newspaper.
• Phone the groom's mother & arrange a get together.
• Help research reception venues.
• Compile names for the wedding guest list.
• Help pick out invitations and other stationery.
• Advise groom's mum about her own outfit for the wedding.
• Attend meetings with caterer, florist, photographer, baker.
• Walk her daughter down the aisle.
• Stand in the receiving line.
• Take responsibility of wedding gifts brought to reception.
• See that bride's dress is taken to the cleaners.

Mother of the Groom

• Phone the bride's mother & arrange to get together.
• Host a lunch, tea, dinner or drinks reception for the bridal couple.
• Compile names for the wedding guest list.
• Research transportation for the wedding party.
• Consult with the bride's mother on what to wear on the day.
• Host a special dinner for after the rehearsal of the ceremony.
• Stand in the receiving line.
• See that groom's suit is returned to hire shop of taken to cleaners.