Dublin is the capital of Ireland, and has been home to some of the finest
writers in the English Language. But the locals often speak in a dialect
of their own, and a visitor may well be confused by what they hear.
Dubliners are often heard playfully berating each other!
"Don't be acting the maggot," one might say to another.
To which the witty Dublin retort would be:
"You're goin' around like a constipated greyhound. Shut your bleedin'
"I will in me arse" Our friend may well reply.
"You talking to me or chewin' a brick? Either way you're going to
end up in a dentist chair!" might come the response.
"If bull-shit was music, you'd be a be a brass bleedin' band."
"And if brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your
A concerned passerby might be engaged in the interaction by one of the
"What are you gawking at?"
"I don't know," the passerby might answer, "But it looks
like a pair of banjaxed pox bottles."
Hostilities over, the men would quench their thirsts with a pint of stout
in the local pub.
"Come on and we'll go on the piss," one of the locals would
If one appeared over anxious to indulge in alcoholic beverages, it might
be observed of him that:
"He'd suck a wet beermat", or that perhaps "he lick it
off a scabby leg."
If he was particularly fond of the beer, it might be said of him that:
"He'd drink it out of a hooer's boot."
Should their conversation turn to discussing mutual acquaintances, it
may well be said of somebody that was full of their own importance that
"She thinks he's the cat's pyjamas
If the same person was not terribly good looking, it might be said of
"She has a face like the Earl of Hell's arse"
If a person is mean, or tight-fisted, the local Dubliners may well observe
"He'd live in your ear and sublet your ear-drum," which may
well turn out to be a good deal more spacious than much of the property
currently available in the city.