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When it comes to asking for her hand in marriage it may seem like the phrase "tieing the knot" refers to your stomach and tongue rather than your marriage vows. As you try to pick the perfect moment all the omens suddenly seem against you - you arrive late for Sunday lunch, you take the last potato from the serving dish which you were offered but weren't meant to accept, your palms begin to sweat and you could swear the whole table can hear your heart beat. 

Never mind. Rest assured that the "Proceed with Caution" sign you see in your future father-in-law's eyes is all in your imagination, and even if it isn't, there are a few things you can do to make sure the end result goes your way. 

Asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage is a basic courtesy which demonstrates a recognition of the parent's role in making the bride-to-be the woman she is today. In Victorian days asking for permission to marry might have been about showing your credentials as a suitable husband, but today you can look upon the event as more of a conversation than a presentation. Remember that your beloved's father is likely to have asked for his wife's hand in marriage and understands the anxiety you might be feeling and, if you need to draw him aside by asking to have a word in private, he will probably know what to expect. Past and prospective fathers of the bride all agree - the best approach you can take is to be yourself. 

Be yourself in every part of the event. The day you choose will determine what you wear depending on whether you are at a Sunday lunch, formal family get-together or just a weekday evening. Do dress neatly as this is the day that your future father-in-law will look at you as the future husband of his precious daughter rather than just another boyfriend. However, unless the occasion demands it, there is no need to dress formally as this will only make you more uncomfortable and anxious. 

If retiring to the drawing room for "a private word and a cigar" is not your style don't worry. You can just as easily "ask for her hand" while helping in the garden, emptying the dishwasher, strolling to the car or over a pint in your local pub. The most suitable option will depend on what activities you and your father-in-law to be do together. Do not feel that you need to ask him out for a drink or dinner if you do not think that you could fill the remaining time with relaxed conversation. You will have plenty of other opportunities for these "relationship-building" activities later with the benefit of your fiancee by your side. 

When it comes to how to phrase the question, simply be yourself. It only takes one short sentence to ask for your girlfriend's hand in marriage. However, if you can stretch yourself to saying just a few more words to tell him that you love his daughter and want to take good care of her this will help. Keep it short and simple unless you are confident that you will not bore, embarrass or upset either yourself or your future father-in-law - remember it is an emotional time for him too. If you feel uncomfortable with the idea of asking for permission then you might consider asking for their blessing on your marriage. 

This does not mean that they need to recite any incantations or strange spiritual rituals over you but is just another way of asking for their approval on the marriage. Asking for his blessing rather than his permission is particularly diplomatic if your relationship with your beloved's father is poor or there is some reason why he or his wife might be against your marriage plans. Do note that while traditionally it is the groom who asks the father of the bride-to-be for his daughter's hand in marriage, you might choose to do this as a couple and might also want include her mother. If the bride's father is no longer alive, then you should ask for her mother's permission to marry instead. 

If you are unsure as to the best time, place or wording to ask for a blessing then your best advisor will be your future bride - unless of course it is to be a surprise. There are just a few rules that need to be remembered when speaking with your soon-to-be fiancee's father - keep it short and simple, tell him how much you love his daughter, and, for all you techno-wizards out there, email requests are not appropriate!