A Beard for Goal-less Morrison

By the DERVAN column

THE goatee is getting longer by the day, a goatee inspired by Clinton Morrison on the eve of one of the greatest turnarounds witnessed in the history of Irish soccer.
So what, you might ask, has the appearance of a growth on Dervan’s many chins got to do with the sports pages of the Irish Voice?
Well last Friday, in the build-up to the friendly international between the Republic and Holland in Amsterdam, we were discussing Clinton’s lack of goals as we awaited another Brian Kerr press conference.
I hadn’t, as it happened, shaved for a number of days, mainly because I was too lazy to bother with such trivialities in the middle of a “four games in nine days” tour with the Irish team.
So the lads asked me what the hell was the yoke on my face pre-press conference. And I explained to the younger hacks that it’s called facial hair — some of the kids on the scene these days haven’t departed puberty yet — then added that I wasn’t going to shave until Clinton scored for Ireland, something he hasn’t managed to do in 10 games and nine months now.
It got a good laugh as we awaited his Kerrness, and I thought no more of it through Saturday night and the wonder that was the Amsterdam Arena and a quite incredible 1-0 Irish win.
The one part of that 1-0 scoreline was provided by man of the match Robbie Keane just before the halftime interval, a quite sensational goal from the Spurs man as he took off from just inside the Dutch half, left a handful of defenders going every which way but loose and beat Edwin Van Der Sar with a sweet, sweet finish.
It was as good a goal as the one that Keane Og scored against the same opposition in a World Cup qualifier on the same ground almost four years earlier.
And it, allied to a resolute Irish performance captivated by brilliant inputs from Given, O’Brien, Cunningham, Barrett and Quinn, ensured we all went home happy as the season of Euro letdown ended with real cause for World Cup optimism.
It was only the next morning, as we stood around waiting to leave the city of the canals, that the subject of my new beard attracted interest again.
Someone, you see, told Clinton all about it. And even he found it funny despite the fact that sheer misfortune had denied him at least twice in the second half of the Dutch win the night before.
So now I am in the horns of a dilemma. Do I stick to my word and leave the beard, now down to a goatee, where it belongs until Clinton scores again?
Or do I just dismiss the whole notion as a prank in a town where such behavior is quite legal and quite normal?
Frankly, I don’t know what to do, and not just because the wife and the little Dervans were none too impressed with the hairy sight that greeted them at lunchtime on Sunday.
My other worry is that I could, as one former Irish international suggested on Saturday night, look like Ronnie Drew before all this is over.
Clinton’s current malaise in front of goal, for all his optimism and self confidence, has come at the same time as Andy Reid’s emergence as a star in the making.
My belief is that Kerr’s World Cup team now picks itself after a marathon 12 game season, with Shay Given fronted by Steve Carr, Kenny Cunningham, Andy O’Brien and John O’Shea.
Manchester United pair Liam Miller and Keane, along with Reid in the center and Kevin Kilbane on the left, should be in the Irish midfield to play Cyprus, Switzerland and France in the autumn.
All of which would leave Brian Kerr with no choice other than to partner Damien Duff with Amsterdam hero Robbie Keane in attack. 
That means Clinton will be on the bench for the start of the new season – and I’ll be looking for a job as a Santa Claus come the Christmas.
Trust me to put my big mouth in it!